In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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