you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
