His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I stole a fireplace last night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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