we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
