hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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