and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
