SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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