My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
