Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
