i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize