If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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