escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
