yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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