Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
