nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
