its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
