He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
