I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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