i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
