You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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