that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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