i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
