Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
