It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
