mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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