Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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