He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
FUCK WHALES
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just puked most of my soul out..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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