oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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