apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
