He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
