This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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