I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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