did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
