I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
