Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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