is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
