I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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