i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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