Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
