wrigley field is MILF paradise
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
