guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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