i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
