I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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