Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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