So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
