i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
