Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
