So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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