I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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