i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
