If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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