Whats the glycemic index on semen?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
