honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I want her autograph on my taint
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
