I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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