Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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