Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
