I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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