youre lurking in front of me
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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