You smell like a Billy Joel song
if only i could text you this smell
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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