It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
