I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
