i permit you to call me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
