i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Michael Bay diarrhea
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
