im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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