I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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